What is the First Session of Grief Counselling Like?

You've made it through the consultation call. You've said yes to showing up for yourself. And now you're wondering: what happens next? What does that first real session actually look like when I walk through the door (or log on) to grief counselling?

Maybe you're feeling nervous. Maybe you're wondering if you'll cry the whole time, or if you'll freeze up and forget how to talk about what's been sitting so heavy in your chest. Maybe you're scared you won't do it "right" or that your grief won't be "enough" to deserve this space.

Let me walk you through what that first session looks like when we meet for counselling. Because knowing what to expect can help you feel a bit steadier as you take this brave step.

What Happens During My First Grief Counselling Session?

Your first session is about creating space for your story and beginning to understand how grief is showing up in your life right now. We'll spend time getting to know your experience, exploring what you're carrying, and starting to build a relationship where you can be exactly who you are.

What Will We Talk About in the First Session?

We've already had that shorter consultation where I got to hear a bit about what's bringing you to counselling. This first full session is where you'll have more time and space to share your story. But here's what's important: you only share what feels comfortable for you.

There's no requirement to spill everything all at once. There's no timeline for "getting to the hard parts." You get to decide what you're ready to talk about and what you need to hold close for now.

I'll be listening, really listening, to what you share. And I'll probably ask some questions to help me understand your experience better. Questions like:

• What does a typical day look like for you right now?

• Who knows what you're going through?

  
  

Then we'll check in on how grief is showing up for you. Not just emotionally (though that matters), but also:

• Physically: Are you sleeping? Eating? Feeling tension in your body? Exhausted all the time or restless and unable to settle?

• Psychologically: What's happening with your thoughts? Are you forgetting things? Having trouble concentrating? Replaying moments over and over?

• Spiritually: How are your beliefs holding up? Are you questioning things you used to be certain about? Feeling disconnected from what used to give you meaning?

  
  

Grief doesn't just live in one part of us. It moves through our whole being, and I want to understand the fullness of what you're experiencing.

How Will You Explain Grief to Me?

This is where I'll share more about how I understand grief and how we'll work together. Because grief counselling isn't about fixing you or getting you to "move on" or reach some finish line where you're all better.

Here's what I believe about grief:

You don't get over it. You learn to carry it differently.

The people we love, the losses we experience, they don't disappear from our lives. We learn to hold them, to make room for them, even as they change shape and even as we change around them.

I'll also talk about how grief isn't a straight line. You won't go through neat stages and come out the other side. You'll feel anger and love at the same time. You'll laugh at a joke and then feel guilty for laughing. You'll have a good day and then feel like you're back at square one.

You can feel more than one thing at once. And all of those feelings get to be there.

For many BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks I work with, there are added layers to grief. Maybe you're grieving in a culture that doesn't honour the fullness of your loss. Maybe you're carrying complicated feelings about someone who loved you and also hurt you. Maybe your community doesn't see your relationship as "counting" the way other losses do.

We'll talk about the specific ways your identity shapes your grief experience, because that context matters. Your grief doesn't exist in a vacuum, and neither do you.

What Should I Expect to Feel After the First Session?

Honestly? You might feel a lot of different things.

Some people walk out feeling lighter, like they've finally put down something they've been carrying alone. Some people feel exhausted because talking about grief takes real energy. Some people feel scared because they've opened a door they're not sure they can close again.

All of those responses are okay. You're not doing anything wrong.

You might notice your grief feels bigger after the session. That's not because counselling made it worse. It's because you've given yourself permission to actually look at it instead of pushing it down or muscling through.

Here's what you can do after that first session:

• Be gentle with yourself. Don't plan anything too demanding for after your appointment if you can help it.

• Have something comforting ready. Whether that's your favourite tea, a playlist that helps you feel grounded, or a text to a friend who gets it.

• Remember that this is a process. One session won't solve everything, and it's not supposed to.

  
  

Will I Have to Keep Coming Back?

That's completely up to you. Some people need weekly sessions for a while. Some people come every other week. Some people check in monthly or come back when grief feels particularly heavy.

We'll talk about what rhythm feels right for you. I'm here to walk alongside you for as long as you need this space, whether that's a few sessions or many months.

Grief doesn't follow anyone else's schedule, and your healing won't either.

Key Things to Remember About Your First Grief Counselling Session

• You only share what you're ready to share

• We'll explore how grief shows up emotionally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually

• Grief isn't about "getting over it" but learning to carry it as it changes

• You can feel multiple things at the same time, and that's normal

• Your identity and culture shape your grief experience in important ways

• There's no right way to feel during or after the session

• You decide what pace feels right for your process

  
  

Taking Another Step Forward

Your grief matters. Your loss matters. And you don't have to carry any of this alone.

That first session is just the beginning of us walking this path together. You bring your story, your questions, your messy feelings, your big emotions. I'll bring my training, my presence, and my commitment to making sure you feel seen and supported exactly as you are.

I offer grief counselling in Surrey, Coquitlam, Greater Vancouver, and online throughout British Columbia. If you're ready to take that next step, or if you still have questions about what counselling might look like for you, I'd be honoured to talk with you.

You can book a consultation or connect with me to see if we might be a good fit for this work together. Whatever you decide, I'm glad you're here asking these questions and considering what support might help.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long is the first grief counselling session?

The first session is typically 50 minutes, giving us time to really explore what you're experiencing without feeling rushed.

Do I need to prepare anything before my first session?

You don't need to prepare anything formal. Just come as you are. Some people find it helpful to jot down a few notes about what they want to make sure they mention, but that's completely optional.

What if I cry during the session?

Crying is welcome here. So is not crying. Some people cry, some people feel numb, some people get angry. There's no wrong way to show up with your grief.

Can I bring someone with me to the first session?

We can talk about that. Sometimes having a support person can be helpful, and sometimes people need the privacy to share certain things. We'll figure out what works best for you.

Will you give me homework or things to do between sessions?

I might offer tools, practices, or reflections that could be supportive, but these are always optional. You get to decide what feels useful and what doesn't. This is collaborative work, not school.