The morning I returned to work, I stood in front of my closet for what felt like hours. The simple task of choosing work clothes – something I'd done thousands of times before – suddenly felt monumentally difficult. Everything felt wrong. The world had changed, yet somehow, I was expected to step back into it as if nothing had happened.
If you're reading this, you might be facing that same impossible task: returning to work while carrying the weight of grief. You're not alone in feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and just plain tired. These feelings aren't signs of weakness or failure – they're natural responses to an unnatural situation.
The Exhaustion No One Sees
Grief requires enormous energy. While others see you sitting at your desk, responding to emails, or attending meetings, they don't see the internal marathon you're running. Every "I'm fine" you offer to well-meaning colleagues costs emotional energy. Every time you push aside memories to focus on a task, it drains you. Even the smallest decisions can feel overwhelming when you're already carrying so much.
This exhaustion is real and valid. Your brain is processing grief while trying to manage daily tasks – imagine running a complex computer program in the background while trying to use other applications. Everything slows down. Everything takes more effort.
The Anxiety of 'Normal'
Many of us feel intense anxiety about returning to work, worried about:
Breaking down in front of colleagues
Being unable to concentrate or perform
Handling questions about our loss
Managing the expectation to be "back to normal"
Remember: there is no "normal" way to grieve. Your journey is yours alone, and you get to set the boundaries that feel right for you.
Finding Your Way Forward
Here are some gentle suggestions for navigating this transition:
1. Start slowly if possible
Consider asking for a graduated return to work, starting with shorter days or fewer days per week. Many employers are willing to accommodate this if asked.
2. Create safety spaces
Identify places you can go when emotions feel overwhelming – perhaps a quiet bathroom, your car, or a nearby park. Having an escape plan can help reduce anxiety.
3. Set clear boundaries
It's okay to tell colleagues you're not ready to discuss your loss. A simple "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not ready to talk about it" is enough.
4. Adjust expectations
You may not be able to work at your previous capacity right away, and that's okay. Focus on essential tasks first and be patient with yourself as you rebuild your stamina.
When It All Feels Too Much
Some days will be harder than others. You might be managing well, and then a song plays in the break room, a certain date approaches, or a random memory surfaces – and suddenly you're overwhelmed again. This is normal. This is grief.
If you're struggling with the return to work, consider:
Speaking with your HR department about additional accommodations
Connecting with a grief counsellor who can help you develop coping strategies
Taking mental health days when needed
Moving at Your Own Pace
Remember, there's no timeline for grief. While the world may expect you to "move on," you're allowed to take the time you need to adjust to your new reality. Some days you'll just be surviving, and that's enough. Other days, you might find moments of peace or even joy in your work – and that's okay too. It doesn't mean you're forgetting; it means you're living.
You're carrying something heavy, but you don't have to carry it alone. Reach out when you need support, whether to a counsellor, friend, or family. Your grief matters. Your experience matters. And most importantly, you matter.
*If you're struggling with returning to work while grieving and need additional support, we're here to help. Contact us to schedule a session where we can work together to develop strategies that honour both your grief and your need to engage with the world.
Comments