Myth: Grief and Depression Are The Same

Are grief and depression really the same thing? Let's explore this common misconception together.

You've probably heard it before: "You're grieving, so you must be depressed." Maybe someone well-meaning said it to you, or perhaps you've wondered it yourself during those heavy moments when loss feels overwhelming. Here's what I want you to know right away: grief and depression, while they can feel similar and even show up together sometimes, are fundamentally different experiences.

As someone who walks alongside folks through their grief, I see how this myth creates confusion and sometimes prevents people from getting the support they actually need. Let's unpack this together, because understanding the difference can be life-changing.

What Does Grief Actually Look Like in Your Daily Life?

Grief is your heart's natural response to loss. It's not a disorder or something that needs fixing. It's your love with nowhere to go, and it shows up in waves that can catch you off guard.

You might notice grief in:

• Moments when a song, smell, or place brings sudden tears

• Feeling completely fine one minute, then overwhelmed the next

• Having vivid dreams about what or who you've lost

• Feeling angry at the situation, the world, or even the person who died

• Experiencing physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite

  
  

What's important to understand is that grief moves. It ebbs and flows. You'll have moments of deep sadness mixed with times when you feel more like yourself. This isn't you "getting over it" or "moving on." This is how grief works naturally.

For many in our communities, grief can feel even more complex. When you've lost someone to systemic violence, when your loss isn't recognized or validated by others, or when cultural expectations tell you how you "should" grieve, the experience becomes layered with additional challenges that deserve recognition and support.

How Is Depression Different From Your Grief Experience?

Depression, on the other hand, tends to settle in like a heavy blanket that doesn't lift easily. While grief comes in waves, depression often feels more constant and pervasive.

With depression, you might notice:

• A persistent feeling of emptiness or numbness that doesn't change much

• Losing interest in almost everything, not just things connected to your loss

• Feeling worthless or guilty about things unrelated to your loss

• Having trouble concentrating on basic daily tasks

• Sleep changes that don't seem connected to grief waves

• Thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore

  
  

Here's a key difference: in grief, your pain is usually connected to your specific loss. In depression, the pain feels more general and touches every part of your life. When you're grieving, you might still find moments of joy or connection. Depression makes those moments much harder to access.

Can You Experience Both Grief and Depression at the Same Time?

Absolutely, and this is where things can get confusing. Sometimes grief can trigger depression, especially when:

• Your loss feels too overwhelming to process

• You don't have adequate support systems

• The loss brings up previous unresolved losses

• Societal pressures tell you to "get over it" before you're ready

  
  

For folks in marginalized communities, the risk can be higher. When you're already managing discrimination, microaggressions, or systemic barriers, a significant loss can feel like the final straw that tips you into depression.

This doesn't mean you're weak or doing grief "wrong." It means you're human, dealing with real challenges that deserve professional support alongside your natural grief process.

Why Does This Myth Exist and How Does It Affect You?

Our culture isn't comfortable with grief. We want neat timelines and clear solutions. Depression feels more "fixable" to people, so there's a tendency to label all difficult emotions as depression because then there's a clear treatment path.

This myth can hurt you in several ways:

• You might seek the wrong kind of support

• Well-meaning people might pressure you to "treat" your grief like depression

• You could start believing something is wrong with you for having a natural grief response

• Important grief work might get overlooked or rushed

  
  

For BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities, this gets even more complicated. Your grief might be dismissed, pathologized, or misunderstood by professionals who don't understand your cultural context or the unique losses you face.

Key Differences to Remember:

• Grief is specific to your loss; depression affects everything

• Grief comes in waves; depression tends to be more constant

• Grief maintains connection to what you've lost; depression creates disconnection from everything

• Grief is a natural response; depression is a mental health condition that may need treatment

• In grief, you can still access joy in moments; depression makes joy very difficult to feel

• Grief honours your love; depression tells you nothing matters

  
  

What This Means for Your Next Step

Understanding this difference isn't about minimizing either experience. Both deserve respect, support, and care. But knowing what you're dealing with helps you find the right resources and set realistic expectations for yourself.

Whether you're in Surrey, Coquitlam, the Greater Vancouver area, or prefer online support, know that there are counsellors who understand these differences and can support you through both grief and depression if needed.

If you're ready to explore support that truly gets the difference between grief and depression, I'd love to connect with you for a consultation. You don't have to figure this out alone.

About the Author

Eliezer Moreno, MSW, RSW, is a registered social worker and counsellor specializing in grief and loss. Working with BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks, Eliezer believes that healing goes beyond just coping with loss. Through compassionate, culturally humble therapy, he helps clients learn to live with their grief while holding onto what truly matters to them. Eliezer practices from offices in Surrey and Coquitlam, and offers online sessions throughout British Columbia.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How long should grief last before I worry it might be depression? A: There's no timeline for grief. If you're concerned, focus on the quality of your experience rather than duration. Are you still able to access moments of connection or joy? Is your pain specifically related to your loss, or does it feel more general?

Q: Can medication help with grief? A: Medication doesn't typically help with normal grief processes, though it might help if depression is also present. Grief work usually involves processing, support, and time rather than medication. Consider consulting your doctor about medications for depression.

Q: What if my family says I should be "over it" by now? A: Families often struggle with grief timelines, especially in cultures that don't openly discuss loss. Trust your own experience and consider seeking support from someone who understands grief as a natural, ongoing process.

Q: Is it normal to feel angry when I'm grieving? A: Absolutely. Anger is a normal part of grief and doesn't mean you're depressed. It's often love and pain expressing themselves in a different way.