How Grief Lives in Your Body: Understanding the Physical Impact of Loss

Your chest feels heavy. Your shoulders carry weight that wasn't there before. You're exhausted, but sleep won't come. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, and more importantly, you're not broken. What you're experiencing is grief living in your body, and it's as real as any physical injury you've ever had.

As a grief and loss therapist working in Surrey, Coquitlam, Greater Vancouver, and online, I see clients every day who are surprised by how grief shows up physically. We've been taught to think of grief as an emotional experience, but your body holds every loss, every goodbye, every moment of missing someone or something important to you.

Let's walk through this together. Your body is telling a story, and it deserves to be heard.

Why Does Grief Make My Body Feel So Different?

When loss happens, your body doesn't distinguish between physical and emotional threats. Research from neuroscientist Mary Frances O'Connor in "The Grieving Body" (which I read this summer and found deeply validating) shows us that grief activates your stress response system in profound ways. Your immune system, which normally fights off illness, can become compromised during intense grief periods.

Think of it this way: your body is trying to protect you from a threat it can't fight or flee from. The result? You might find yourself getting sick more often, feeling run down, or experiencing aches and pains that seem to come from nowhere. This isn't your imagination, and it's not weakness. It's your nervous system doing its best to help you survive something that feels impossible to survive.

Your heart might literally ache. That phrase "broken heart" exists because the pain of grief can feel just like cardiac distress. Your digestive system might rebel, leaving you nauseous or unable to eat. These are normal responses to abnormal circumstances.

Our hearts can physically hurt after loss

What Physical Symptoms Should I Expect During Grief?

Grief symptoms in your body can show up in countless ways:

Common Physical Grief Responses: 

• Fatigue that doesn't improve with rest

• Changes in appetite or eating patterns 

• Sleep disruption or insomnia

• Headaches and muscle tension

• Digestive issues and nausea

• Getting sick more frequently

• Chest tightness or heart palpitations

• Feeling disconnected from your body

• Changes in pain sensitivity

• Dizziness or feeling unsteady

For BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks, these physical responses can be complicated by additional layers. When your loss intersects with experiences of discrimination, marginalization, or lack of support, your body holds that too. The stress of having your grief minimized or misunderstood adds another layer of physical tension.

You might notice that certain spaces feel safer for your grieving body than others. This awareness is wisdom, not oversensitivity.

How Can Cultural and Identity Factors Affect How Grief Shows Up in My Body?

Your cultural background and identity shape how grief moves through your body. In some cultures, physical expressions of grief are welcomed and expected. In others, you might have learned to hold it all inside, which creates its own kind of physical tension.

If you're navigating grief while also dealing with systemic oppression, your body is working overtime. The hypervigilance that comes with moving through the world as a marginalized person doesn't pause for grief. Instead, it compounds.

Maybe you've noticed that your grief feels different in predominantly white spaces versus spaces where you can be fully yourself. Maybe coming out added another layer to an already complex loss. Your body registers all of this, and it's okay to acknowledge how much harder this makes everything.

There's no "right" way for your body to grieve. Your experience is valid, whether it looks like the grief you see represented in media or not.

Gentle movement can support the grief in your body

What Are Some Gentle Ways to Support My Grieving Body?

Supporting your grieving body isn't about fixing or rushing. It's about creating conditions where healing can happen naturally, in its own time. In Chapter 7 of "The Grieving Body," O'Connor explores how energy and motivation can return gradually when we work with our body's natural healing processes rather than against them.

Here are some options to consider:

Movement that feels good: This might be gentle stretching, walking, dancing to music that makes you feel connected, or simply changing positions throughout the day. Your body needs movement, but it doesn't need to be intense or goal-oriented.

Breathwork and body awareness: Simple breathing exercises can help regulate your nervous system. Try placing one hand on your chest and one on your belly, breathing slowly and noticing which hand moves. There's no perfect way to do this.

Nourishment without pressure: Eat what feels good and accessible. Sometimes that's soup, sometimes it's crackers, sometimes it's your grandmother's recipe that connects you to love. Honour what your body needs, not what you think you should need.

Rest as resistance: In cultures that prioritize productivity, rest can feel revolutionary. Your grieving body needs more rest than usual, and that's not laziness. It's healing.

Safe touch: This might be self-massage, hugs from people you trust, weighted blankets, or warm baths. Touch can help your nervous system remember safety.

When Should I Seek Professional Support for Physical Grief Symptoms?

Sometimes grief symptoms need professional attention, and seeking help is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Consider reaching out if:

• Physical symptoms interfere significantly with daily life

• You're concerned about changes in your health

• You feel disconnected from your body for extended periods

• You're using substances to manage physical discomfort

• You feel unsafe in your body

As a therapist, I often work alongside clients' medical providers because grief affects the whole person. There's no shame in needing a team to support you through this.

Remember, seeking therapy isn't about being "sick enough" or having the "right" kind of grief. It's about having someone witness your experience and walk alongside you as you find your way back to yourself.

Your Body Knows How to Heal

Your body has been with you through every joy and every heartbreak. It knows how to heal, even when healing feels impossible. The process isn't linear, and it doesn't have a timeline. Some days will feel harder than others, and that's part of the journey.

Healing happens in relationship, with yourself and with others who can hold space for your full experience. You don't have to figure this out alone, and you don't have to carry it all in your body without support.

Whether you're in Surrey, Coquitlam, the Greater Vancouver area, or connecting online, know that there are people who understand how grief lives in your body and want to walk alongside you. Your story matters, your pain is real, and your healing is possible.

If you're ready to explore how grief is showing up in your body, I'd love to walk alongside you. Consider booking a consultation where we can talk about what support might look like for you right now.

About the Author

Eliezer Moreno, MSW, RSW, is a registered social worker and counsellor specializing in grief and loss. Working with BIPOC and LGBTQ+ folks, Eliezer believes that healing goes beyond just coping with loss. Through compassionate, culturally humble therapy, he helps clients learn to live with their grief while holding onto what truly matters to them. Eliezer practices from offices in Surrey and Coquitlam, and offers online sessions throughout British Columbia.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it normal for grief to cause physical pain? A: Absolutely. It is normal for grief to cause physical pain. Grief activates your body's stress response system and can cause very real physical symptoms including pain, fatigue, and illness. This is your body's natural response to loss.

Q: How long do physical grief symptoms typically last? A: There's no standard timeline for grief symptoms. They can fluctuate over months or years, often coming in waves. What matters most is getting support when you need it.

Q: Should I see a doctor for physical grief symptoms? A: It's always okay to check in with your healthcare provider about physical symptoms, especially if they're concerning you or interfering with daily life. Many people benefit from both medical and therapeutic support.

Q: Can grief really affect my immune system? A: Yes, research shows that intense grief can compromise immune function, making you more susceptible to illness. This is temporary, but it's why extra self-care during grief is so important.