How Do You Process Grief After a School Shooting?

The news of the Tumbler Ridge school shooting has impacted our province, counstry, and beyond. Parents held their breath. Even though the tragedy happened hundreds of kilometres away, the grief landed here in Surrey, Coquitlam, and Greater Vancouver.

Maybe you have no connection to Tumbler Ridge. But when you heard the news, something shifted inside you. This is grief after a school shooting. It doesn't ask for permission. It arrives because this kind of loss tears at what we believe about safety and the world we're trying to build together.

What Does Grief Look Like When Tragedy Happens Far from Home?

Grief doesn't require proximity. When violence enters a space meant to be safe, it shakes everyone who has ever trusted that safety. Students who had nothing to do with Tumbler Ridge still experienced lockdowns, still felt their hearts race.

This is collective grief. It spreads through communities like ripples on water.

You might notice yourself:

• Checking your phone obsessively for updates

• Feeling a weight in your chest that won't lift

• Questioning the safety of students, educators, and school staff

• Wondering if the world has always been this unsafe

  
  

For those where this hits closer to home, the grief carries additional layers. The anniversary of the Lapu Lapu Day tragedy pproaches this April. When I learned that the largest racialized group in Tumbler Ridge is Filipino, my heart broke again. Grief stacks on top of other grief.

Why Does My Body Feel This Way Even Though I'm "Safe"?

Your body is responding to a threat. Trauma bypasses logic and goes to your nervous system.

You might experience trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, constant alertness. Your body is scanning for danger.

Scrolling through your phone will not remove this pain. The endless news updates keep your nervous system activated.

What helps: pause and acknowledge what's happening. Say it out loud. "I'm feeling scared." "This is hitting me hard."

Help your body remember where it is. Tell yourself the date, your location, that you are safe right now. Feel your feet on the ground. This helps your nervous system distinguish between now and what happened there.

How Do You Live with Questions That Have No Answers?

After a school shooting, the questions come fast. Why did this happen? What if it happens again?

You're learning to hold questions that may not have answers.

You might think, "This is not supposed to happen, especially not here." We all carry beliefs about where we're safe. When those beliefs get shattered, we're left holding pieces we don't know how to put back together.

Some questions will soften. Others will stay with you. Both are okay.

What Can You Do When You Feel Helpless?

There might be a need to do something to help. We want to contribute, to make meaning.

Whatever capacity you have, use it. Check on your loved ones. Donate to an organization. Set up a space where people can express how they feel.

Do what you can, and take care of yourself. You need rest between the heaviness.

The news cycle changes quickly. But your grief doesn't have to disappear on the same timeline. Find ways to acknowledge what you've experienced so it doesn't get trapped in your body.

Key Points to Remember

• Grief after a school shooting doesn't require direct connection

• Your body's response is real trauma, not overreaction

• Collective grief impacts communities across BC

• Scrolling keeps your nervous system activated

• Grounding techniques help your body feel safe now

• Taking action channels grief into meaning

• Your grief timeline doesn't match the news cycle

• Express feelings out loud to prevent them getting trapped

  
  

Moving Forward Without Moving On

Grief after a school shooting doesn't have a clear endpoint. You learn to carry it differently.

Right now, you need to be seen in this grief. To have someone acknowledge that yes, this is hard. Yes, this affects you. Yes, you're allowed to feel devastated.

You deserve support as you hold this grief. You deserve space to process what this means.

If you're in Surrey, Coquitlam, Greater Vancouver, or anywhere you can access online counselling in BC, I'm here. We can work through this together.

You don't have to carry this alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to grieve a tragedy that didn't directly affect me?

Yes. Collective grief is real grief. When violence happens in a space that's supposed to be safe (like a school), it affects everyone who has ever trusted that safety. Your grief is valid.

How long will I feel this way?

There's no standard timeline for grief. Some feelings will ease within weeks, while others may surface during anniversaries or similar news events. Both are completely normal responses to trauma.

What if I can't stop checking the news?

This is your nervous system trying to feel in control by gathering information. Try setting specific times to check updates rather than constant scrolling, and balance news consumption with grounding activities that help your body feel safe.

Should I talk to my kids about school shootings?

Age-appropriate honesty helps children feel safe. Answer their questions simply, reassure them about safety measures in place, and let them know they can always come to you with worries.

How do I support someone grieving this tragedy?

Listen without trying to fix. Acknowledge their feelings as valid. Offer practical help. Check in regularly, especially after the news cycle moves on. Don't compare their grief to others or suggest they should "move on."