How Do I Tell My Friends and Family I Want MAID?

Telling the People You Love About Your MAID Decision Is One of the Hardest Conversations You May Ever Have

You have made one of the most personal decisions someone can make. And now comes something that, for many people, feels even harder than the decision itself: telling the people you love.

There is no script for this. No perfect words. And that is exactly why so many people sit with this news alone, sometimes for longer than they wish they had. You might be afraid of their reaction. You might be trying to protect them. You might not know where to begin.

Whatever has brought you here, you deserve support walking into this conversation. And the people you love deserve the chance to be with you through it, even when it is hard.

Why Does Telling People About MAID Feel So Complicated?

Telling someone you have chosen Medical Assistance in Dying is complicated because grief starts the moment they hear it. Yours, and theirs.

Your family and friends may not have the language for what they are feeling. They may react with silence, with tears, with anger, with questions they do not know how to ask. Some will surprise you with how steady they become. Others may struggle in ways you did not expect.

And you are carrying something enormous too. You are not just delivering news. You are also holding your own anticipatory grief, your fear of being a burden, your hope that the people you love will understand, and your very human need to feel that they will not leave before you do.

Some people come from families where illness is not spoken about openly. Where decisions like this are seen through a particular spiritual or cultural lens. Where the expectation is to "fight," and choosing MAID feels like it could be misread as giving up. If you are navigating any of those layers, you are not alone. Many people sitting in grief therapy offices across Canada carry the same quiet weight of wondering whether their family will truly hear them.

How Do You Start the Conversation?

You do not have to have every answer ready before you open the door. Here are some ways people have found helpful:

Choose the right setting. A quiet moment, in person, without distraction. Not a holiday dinner. Not a phone call in passing.

Start with what is true for you. You might say something like: "I want to talk to you about something that matters deeply to me." Or: "I have made a decision about my care, and I need you to hear it from me."

Give them space to respond before explaining everything. Let them feel what they feel first. Their first reaction is rarely their final one.

You are not asking for permission. This is something you share with someone, not something you put to a vote. It is okay to be clear about that gently.

Some people choose to write a letter first, especially if speaking the words out loud feels impossible. Some bring a trusted friend, a palliative care worker, or a therapist into the conversation as a support. There is no wrong way to do this.

What If Your Family Doesn't Understand or Accept Your Decision?

This is where things can become genuinely painful.

Some families will not understand. Some will disagree. Some will grieve so loudly in that moment that there is no room left for you. Some will go quiet in ways that feel like abandonment.

If your decision is met with resistance, here is what I want you to hear: your grief about that matters too. You are not wrong to feel the loss of not being held in the way you hoped. It is painful to make a decision from your own truth and feel like the people you love cannot meet you there.

A few things that may help:

• Give it time. Initial reactions are often not the full story. People often need space to grieve before they can show up.

• Consider having a third conversation. Not the announcement. Not the argument. But a quieter follow-up: "I don't need you to agree. I just need you to know I love you."

• Lean on whoever can hold this with you. Whether that is one person, a care team, or a grief therapist, you do not have to carry the weight of their reaction alone.

• Know that love and disagreement can exist at the same time. Some of the hardest grief happens between people who love each other deeply.

  
  

If you have grown up in a community where family decisions are made collectively, or where elders hold significant authourity over personal choices, you may feel the pull between your own knowing and your sense of loyalty to those you love. Both of those things are real. Neither cancels the other out.

How Can You Take Care of Yourself Through This?

You are the one living this. And that means your care matters just as much as theirs.

Some things worth holding on to:

• You do not owe everyone full access to your process. Choose who you tell and when based on what you can carry.

• Grief and relief can live in the same breath. The grief of saying goodbye and the relief of having clarity about your path are not contradictions.

• You are allowed to need support that has nothing to do with managing other people's feelings. Grief therapy is not just for after a loss. It is also for this: the anticipatory grief, the hard conversations, the tender and complicated ground you are walking right now.

  
  

Working with a grief therapist before, during, and after these conversations can offer a place that is entirely yours. A place to say the things that feel too heavy or too raw to say anywhere else.

You Do Not Have to Walk This Alone

There are people who are trained to walk alongside you through exactly this kind of grief. Not to tell you what to decide or how to feel, but to sit with you in the fullness of it.

If you are in the Greater Vancouver area including Surrey, the Tri-Cities, or anywhere in BC online, grief therapy is available to support you and the people you love through anticipatory grief, end-of-life decisions, and the conversations that come with them.

If this is where you are right now, I would be honoured to connect with you. You are welcome to reach out and book a consultation. No pressure, no script, just a conversation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel scared about telling my family I want MAID? Yes, completely. Fear about how loved ones will respond is one of the most common experiences people share when they are preparing for this conversation. That fear does not mean something is wrong with your decision or with your relationship. It means you love them and you care about how this lands.

Will my family's reaction change over time? Often, yes. Many families who struggle to respond well in the first moment are able to move toward understanding and closeness over time, especially with space and gentle continued conversation. Not always, and not in every case, but many people are surprised by where their families land after the initial grief has had room to breathe.

What if I come from a religious or traditional background where MAID is not accepted? This is a genuinely complex and tender place to be. You may be holding your own conviction alongside deep care for your community's beliefs. Grief therapy can offer a non-judgmental space to work through that tension, whatever form it takes. You do not need to choose between your own truth and your love for your community. But you deserve a place to sit with the complexity of it.

Can grief therapy help before a death, not just after? Yes. Grief therapy is not only for after a loss. Anticipatory grief, which is the grief that arrives before death, is real and can be intense. Working with a grief therapist before and during this process can help you and your loved ones move through it with more support and clarity.

Is there a grief counsellor near me in Surrey, Coquitlam, or online? Yes. Eliezer Moreno offers grief therapy in Surrey, the Tri-Cities (Port Coquitlam, Port Moody, Coquitlam), and online across BC. Whether you are navigating a MAID decision, end-of-life conversations, anticipatory grief, or loss after a death, support is available. You are welcome to reach out through Meaningful Counselling to learn more or book a consultation.

About the Author Eliezer Moreno is a Grief Counsellor and Registered Social Worker in the Greater Vancouver area with 15+ years in palliative care, end-of-life, and bereavement. He provides grief therapy for a death from illness, accidents, MAID, and suicide in the Tri-Cities (Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody), Surrey, and online in BC.