When your mind won't let it be over
Traumatic grief can look like:
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Replaying the call, the scene, or the last conversation
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Images, sounds, or smells that hit without warning
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Feeling on edge, jumpy, or unsafe, even at home
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Avoiding places, people, or dates that bring it back
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Going over “if only” and “why didn’t I” again and again
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Nights that won’t settle, or dreams that wake you
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Feeling numb, as if it happened to someone else
You may also feel like you can’t grieve properly because you’re still stuck in what happened. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Your mind and body are trying to protect you from something too big to take in.
The losses I work with
I’ve spent more than 15 years in palliative care, end-of-life work, and bereavement support, and I still work alongside families in palliative care today. These are some of the losses I’m most often asked to support:
Loss by suicide. The questions, the guilt, and the images that don’t leave.
The death of a child. A loss that rearranges everything.
Accidents and sudden death. A death with no warning and no goodbye.
Overdose and other deaths that carry complicated feelings. Grief that may be hard to say out loud to anyone.
Loss after medical assistance in dying (MAID). Including the mix of peace, doubt, and pain that can follow.
Witnessing a hard death. Being there, or arriving after, can leave its own mark.
What is Brainspotting?
Brainspotting is a trauma-informed approach that uses where you look to help you reach what’s held in your brain and body. When something overwhelming happens, it can get stored in ways that words alone don’t always reach. That’s why some memories feel so physical and so hard to talk your way out of.
In a session, we find a spot in your field of vision that connects to what you’re carrying. You rest your attention there while I stay with you, and we notice what comes up, in your mind and in your body. You don’t have to tell the story in detail, and you don’t have to relive it.
Some people find it helps when talking hasn’t been enough. It isn’t right for everyone, and it’s always your choice. Many sessions are simply conversation, and we only use Brainspotting if it feels right to you.
What working together looks like
1. We start with safety.
Before we go near the hardest parts, we make sure you have ways to settle when things get loud. You set the pace, and we can stay there as long as you need.
2. We work with what’s stuck.
When you’re ready, we turn toward the memories, images, or feelings that keep returning. We might talk, we might use Brainspotting, or we might do both. I’ll check in with you throughout.
3. We make room for them again.
As the replaying eases, there’s often space to remember who they were, not only how they died. We’ll find ways to keep your connection with them and build a life that matters to you.
Format: Individual, couples, and family sessions
Where: Coquitlam, Surrey, the Tri-Cities, Greater Vancouver, and online across BC
Length: 50 minutes
Fees: $165 individual, $185 couples and families
First step: a free 15-minute consult by phone or video
FAQ
What is traumatic grief?
It’s grief that comes with trauma, usually after a death that was sudden, violent, or deeply shocking. Along with sadness, you may have flashbacks, nightmares, constant alertness, or avoidance.
Do I have to tell you what happened?
No. You can share as much or as little as you like. With Brainspotting in particular, you don’t need to describe the details for it to work.
Is Brainspotting proven to work?
Brainspotting is a newer approach, and research on it is still growing. Many people find it helpful, especially when talking alone hasn’t reached what they’re carrying. We can talk about whether it’s a good fit for you during your first sessions. It’s always optional.
What if I get overwhelmed in a session?
We go slowly, and we always begin with ways to settle. You can pause or stop at any point.
Can I come if the loss happened years ago?
Yes. Traumatic grief can stay quiet for a long time and then come back with an anniversary, a similar event, or a big life change.
Do you offer this near me?
I offer in-person sessions in Coquitlam and Surrey, and online sessions for anyone across BC, including the Tri-Cities, Burnaby, and Vancouver.
Do I need to be diagnosed with PTSD?
No. You don’t need a diagnosis to ask for support.