The twinkling lights and cheerful music feels insulting when your heart is broken. When grief sits heavy in your chest, the expectation to be merry and bright can feel suffocating—especially when you're a parent trying to navigate your own pain while supporting your children.
First, pause and breathe slowly. Parenting during the holiday season is hard enough, but parenting through loss adds layers of complexity that nobody talks about. You're expected to create magical memories when some days, just getting out of bed feels impossible.
Your grief is valid. Your struggle is real. And you are not alone.
Giving Yourself Permission
Permission to be imperfect. Permission to not have all the answers. Permission to show your children that grief isn't something to hide, but something to express.
Some days, that might mean:
Letting the decorations stay in their boxes
Skipping traditions that feel too painful
Not participating in every holiday activity
Crying in front of your kids
Telling them you're struggling
Your vulnerability is not a weakness—it's being human.
Creating a New Kind of Celebration
The holidays don't have to look like they did before. They can't, and that's okay. So what if you change things for just this season? You can plan out next year another time. Focus on this season and that could mean creating new rituals that honour both your loss and your love.
Maybe that means:
Sharing stories about the person you've lost
Making a memory book
Doing something completely different from past holidays
Changing the size of a gathering to what feels comfortable to you
Your children are watching you navigate the most difficult terrain of grief. By showing them how to love through loss, you're teaching them emotional resilience.
When the Grief Hits Hard
They will come. Sometimes during a movie. Sometimes while baking cookies. Sometimes in the middle of seemingly perfect moments.
When those waves crash over you:
- Stop everything
- Acknowledge the feeling
- Let your children see you feel
- Hold them. Be held.
Grief isn't predictable. It’s all over the place and during the holidays, it can feel more intense than ever.
Practical Self-Compassion
Some tangible ways to be gentle with yourself:
Ask for help (and don’t be ashamed about it)
Lower your expectations (about everything)
Rest when you can
Remember that surviving is enough for now
Your children don't need a perfect holiday. They need you—authentic, human you.
A Promise to Yourself
This holiday season won't define your entire grief. It's just one part. Some moments will be tender. Some will be tremendously difficult. Some might even surprise you with unexpected joy.
All of it is okay.
You are doing something incredibly hard. Parenting through grief is a profound act of love. Your heart is breaking and breaking open, all at the same time.
Be patient with yourself. You are healing. You are holding your children. You are surviving.
And that is everything.
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