Understanding Medical Assistance in Dying: A Personal Journey

What is Medical Assistance in Dying and How Does it Work in Canada?

Medical Assistance in Dying is a legal medical procedure in Canada that allows eligible individuals to receive assistance from a healthcare provider to end their life. Currently, there are two main eligibility tracks: those with a reasonably foreseeable natural death (Track 1) and those whose death is not reasonably foreseeable but who have serious illness, disease, or disability causing intolerable suffering (Track 2). The process requires multiple assessments, waiting periods, and active consent at the time of the procedure.

How Do I Process the Complex Emotions Around MAID?

Your feelings about MAID don't exist in a vacuum. They're shaped by your faith, your cultural background, your family's beliefs about death and suffering, and your personal experiences with loss. For many communities, there's an additional layer of historical medical trauma that makes discussions about end-of-life care particularly complex. You might find yourself caught between what your community expects and what your heart is telling you.

When I worked as a palliative care social worker, MAID was newly available and only offered to those with terminal illness who could provide consent. I witnessed families grappling with questions that had no easy answers. I remember a grandmother who whispered to me, "In our culture, we don't choose when to die. But watching her suffer like this... is this what God wants?" Her pain was real, her conflict genuine, and both deserved space to be explored.

Your faith might tell you that suffering has purpose, that life is sacred in all its forms. Your heart might be breaking watching someone you love experience pain that feels senseless. Both of these truths can coexist. You can honour your spiritual beliefs while also acknowledging that the reality of watching prolonged suffering is devastating.

Key Considerations When Processing MAID Emotions

• Your feelings may change daily, and that's completely natural.

• Cultural and religious beliefs can create internal conflict.

• Past experiences with medical systems may influence your perspective.

• Fear of judgment from family or community can complicate processing.

• The media representation of MAID may not match your lived experience.

  
  

What Happens When MAID Becomes Part of Our Family's Story?

Munsch's story has resonated with so many families because it puts a familiar, beloved face on decisions that feel unimaginable until they're suddenly part of your reality.

When MAID enters your family's story, the grief often begins before any death occurs. You might find yourself grieving the loss of choice, the progression of illness, or the way your family is being forced to have conversations you never imagined.

I've sat with clients whose family members were offered MAID in situations that felt inappropriate or premature. The trauma from these experiences is real and valid. Your anger about systemic failures, your fear about vulnerable populations, your questions about who truly has choice in our healthcare system. These are all important responses that deserve attention.

You might find yourself in the position of supporting someone's choice while personally feeling devastated by it. This is one of the most challenging places to exist, and it requires tremendous compassion for yourself as you navigate it.

Why Does Talking About MAID Feel So Isolating?

The isolation around MAID conversations often comes from feeling like you're supposed to have clear, consistent opinions about something that's actually quite complex. Your grandmother might have taught you about death as a natural transition, while the community that sustained your family through hardship preaches about the sanctity of all life. Your experience might have taught you about fighting for autonomy over your body, while your experience with advocacy might have made you acutely aware of how society sometimes devalues certain lives.

These competing perspectives aren't character flaws. They're the natural result of being a whole person with multiple communities and experiences. The challenge is finding people who can hold space for all of these parts of you as you work through what MAID means in your specific situation.

As a counsellor, my role is to give you all the room you need to explore your thoughts and feelings around MAID. I have not or will not suggest it to anyone. When clients bring it up, I'll answer questions if I'm able to, or refer you to the local MAID team. What I can offer is space—space for your faith that doesn't allow for this kind of death, space for your suffering as you watch someone you love decline, space for your anger at God or the universe for allowing such pain to exist.

How Do I Cope When Someone I Love Chooses MAID?

When someone you love chooses MAID, you might find yourself in the impossible position of wanting to support their autonomy while feeling devastated by their decision. Coping with this reality doesn't mean finding answers or even acceptance—sometimes it means learning to hold questions with more gentleness.

Finding peace doesn't mean finding answers. It means creating space for your loved one's autonomy while also honouring your own emotional needs. For many, this process involves untangling messages about whose pain matters and whose choices are respected.

You might need to have conversations with your spiritual community about how your beliefs can hold space for complex medical decisions. You might need to practice setting boundaries with family members who want to impose their perspectives on your processing. You might need to grieve the loss of the "good death" or "peaceful death" you imagined for someone you love.

Peace often comes through connection. Finding others who understand your specific cultural context, your spiritual framework, and your lived experience. It comes through counselling that honours all parts of your identity and doesn't ask you to choose between your heritage and your current reality.

Steps Toward Finding Peace

• Allow yourself to feel conflicted without rushing to resolve the conflict.

• Seek support from others who share your cultural or spiritual background.

• Practice distinguishing between your feelings and your loved one's choices.

• Create rituals or practices that honour your grief process.

• Consider how your ancestors might have approached impossible choices.

  
  

Every Step Needs Compassion

MAID conversations are rarely just about MAID. They're about control, dignity, suffering, faith, family dynamics, medical trauma, and the fundamental question of what makes life worth living. These conversations are happening in kitchens and hospital rooms, in faith communities and chosen families, often without the support people need to process them fully.

You deserve space to explore these questions without judgment. You deserve counselling that understands how racism, homophobia, transphobia, and other forms of discrimination might complicate your relationship with medical systems. You deserve support that honours both your spiritual beliefs and your lived reality.

Whether you're facing these questions yourself or supporting someone else through them, remember that there's no perfect way to navigate this terrain. What matters is that you're approaching it with as much compassion as you can manage.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can a counsellor recommend MAID to me?

A: No. Ethical counselling practice means creating space for you to explore your feelings without directing you toward any particular choice. My role is to support your processing, answer questions when I can, and provide referrals to appropriate professionals.

Q: What if my faith conflicts with my feelings about MAID?

A: This conflict is common and valid. Faith-based concerns about MAID can coexist with compassion for suffering. Many people find it helpful to speak with spiritual leaders who can help them explore how their beliefs might hold space for complex medical decisions. For those who feel uncomfortable meeting with a spiritual leader, a counsellor may also be able to support you.

Q: How do I support someone considering MAID if I disagree with their choice?

A: Supporting someone doesn't require agreeing with their decisions. It means creating space for their autonomy while also honoring your own emotional needs and boundaries. Counselling can help you navigate this challenging position.

Q: What resources exist for families dealing with MAID decisions?

A: Each province has MAID assessment teams that provide information and support. Additionally, palliative care teams, spiritual counsellors, non-profit organizations, and grief therapists can provide various forms of support throughout the process.

Eliezer Moreno provides grief counselling in Surrey, Coquitlam, Greater Vancouver, and online. If you're navigating questions about MAID, loss, or any other form of grief, I'm here to walk alongside you. You don't have to process these big questions alone.