I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying! Do I Need Grief Counselling?

Is Grief Counselling Right for Me?

Your phone dings with another "How are you doing?" text, and you stare at it, not knowing how to answer. Maybe you type "I'm fine" for the hundredth time, even though you're anything but fine. Or perhaps you've stopped responding altogether because explaining how you really feel seems impossible.

Grief doesn't follow a timeline, and it certainly doesn't care about what others expect from you. Whether you're mourning the death of someone you loved, the end of a relationship, a job loss, a diagnosis, or any of the countless losses that reshape our lives, your experience is entirely your own. And sometimes, even the strongest among us need someone to walk alongside us through the darkness.

As a grief and loss counsellor serving communities in Surrey, Coquitlam, Greater Vancouver, and online, I've learned that recognizing when you need support isn't always obvious. Grief can be sneaky like that. So let's explore some signs that might tell you it's time to reach out.

We might need some tissues

1. The Weight of Overwhelm: When Everything Feels Too Much

What Does Overwhelm Really Look Like?

You know that feeling when you're standing in the ocean and a wave crashes over you, leaving you gasping and disoriented? That's what grief overwhelm can feel like, except the wave doesn't recede.

Maybe your overwhelm shows up as:

• Crying that comes out of nowhere and won't stop

• Days when getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain

• Simple tasks like making coffee or answering emails becoming impossibly difficult

• Your brain feeling like it's wrapped in cotton, making even basic decisions exhausting

  
  

This isn't weakness. This is your system trying to process something enormous.

When overwhelm becomes your constant companion, counselling can offer you a safe harbour. Together, we can explore what's really happening beneath the surface and find ways to make the impossible feel manageable again.

2. Living in the Confusion: When Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

Why Does This Grief Feel So Different?

You've handled loss before. You thought you knew what grief looked like. But this time feels like you've been dropped into an alternate reality where everyone else is living normally while you're struggling to remember how to exist.

The big questions start circling:

• "Why is this hitting me so hard?"

• "Who am I without them/this/that part of my life?"

• "Will I ever feel like myself again?"

• "How long is too long to feel this way?"

  
  

These questions aren't signs that you're doing grief wrong. They're signs that you're human.

In our work together, there's room for all your confusion and big questions. We don't need to rush toward answers. Sometimes the most healing thing is simply having someone witness your questions with you, helping you sit with the not-knowing while you find your way forward.

3. The Guilt That Won't Let Go: When "What If" Becomes Your Constant Companion

Understanding Guilt in Grief

Guilt in grief is like an uninvited guest who overstays their welcome. It whispers things like:

• "I should have done more"

• "What if I had said something different?"

• "I don't deserve to be happy when they're gone"

• "I'm not grieving the right way"

  
  

Maybe you're feeling guilty for not being the "strong one" your family expects. Perhaps you're struggling with complicated feelings about a relationship that wasn't accepted by your community. Or you might be carrying survivor's guilt in ways that feel too heavy to share.

Your feelings don't need to be perfect or politically correct. They just need to be yours.

Counselling offers you a place to untangle these feelings without judgment, where we can explore the stories guilt tells you and find gentler ways to carry your experience.

Find the tools that will work for you for this situation

4. When Your Usual Coping Tools Aren't Working

Recognizing When Old Strategies Fall Short

You used to find comfort in your morning runs, but now your legs feel like lead. Maybe journaling helped before, but now the blank page laughs at you. Or perhaps you're finding yourself reaching for numbing strategies more often, whether that's binge-watching shows, doom scrolling , drinking more than usual, or avoiding anything that might trigger difficult feelings.

There's no shame in needing new tools. Different losses require different approaches.

Together, we can explore what your current coping strategies are giving you and what they might be costing you. Then we can work on building a toolkit that actually fits where you are now, not where you used to be.

5. The Deep Need to Be Truly Heard

Why Professional Support Matters

Sometimes you need more than well-meaning friends who want to fix you or family members who are grieving in their own ways. You need someone who can hold space for the full truth of your experience without trying to talk you out of it or rush you through it.

You might need support if:

• You find yourself editing what you share with loved ones

• People keep offering advice when you just need someone to listen

• Your community has expectations about how or how long you should grieve

• You're carrying losses that feel too complex or taboo to discuss openly

  
  

Your grief deserves to be witnessed in all its messiness and complexity.

Key Signs You Might Benefit from Grief Counselling:

• Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks that used to be manageable

• Experiencing grief that feels completely different from past losses

• Carrying heavy guilt or regret without relief

• Finding that your usual coping strategies aren't helping anymore

• Needing a safe space to express your true feelings without judgment

• Feeling isolated in your grief experience

• Struggling with cultural or community expectations around grieving

• Having complex or disenfranchised grief that others don't understand

Finding Your Next Step: You Don't Have to Walk This Path Alone

Grief changes us. There's no going back to who you were before, and that's not the goal. The goal is learning to carry your loss in ways that still allow for joy, connection, and meaning. It's about honouring what you've lost while still making room for what might be possible.

Your grief is as unique as your fingerprint, and your healing journey should be too.

Whether you're in Surrey, Coquitlam, anywhere in Greater Vancouver, or connecting online, support is available. You don't have to figure this out alone or wait until you're "ready." Sometimes the best time to reach out is when reaching out feels impossible.

If any of these signs resonate with you, I'd love to connect. We can explore together whether grief counselling might offer you the support you're looking for. There's no commitment, just a conversation about what you're experiencing and what might help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How do I know if my grief is "normal"? A: Grief is as individual as you are. There's no timeline or "right" way to grieve. If your grief is impacting your daily life or you're feeling stuck, support can help.

Q: What if I'm not sure counselling is right for me? A: That's completely understandable. We can start with a free consultation to explore what you're experiencing and whether working together feels like a good fit.

Q: Do you work with people online? A: Yes, I offer both in-person sessions in Surrey, Coquitlam, as well as secure online sessions for those who prefer that option.

Q: How long does grief counselling take? A: Every person's journey is different. Some people find relief in a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term support. We'll work at your pace and check in regularly about what feels helpful.

Ready to explore whether grief counselling might support you? I'd love to hear from you. Reach out for a consultation where we can talk about what you're experiencing and how I might help.