The winter holiday season is A LOT. While the world is pushing messages of being merry and you can’t get a break from the holiday music in public, you might be wrestling with a profound sense of loss, loneliness, and exhaustion. This is where "trying softer" becomes your new lifeline.
Understanding "Trying Softer"
Popularized by author Aundi Kolber, "trying softer" is a radical approach to healing that stands in direct contrast to the cultural message of "trying harder." It's about listening to your body, honouring your emotional capacity, and releasing the pressure to perform grief in any prescribed way.
What "Trying Softer" Looks Like
Imagine grief not as a problem to solve, but as a natural response to loss that is to be experienced. It means:
- Creating space for unpredictable emotions
- Prioritizing your emotional and physical well-being
- Releasing societal expectations about how you "should" be handling loss
Practical Strategies for Trying Softer During the Holidays
Emotional Boundaries
The holidays can trigger intense emotions. Trying softer means:
- Giving yourself permission to say no or “I’ll see how I feel”
- Leaving events that feel overwhelming
- Creating alternative celebrations that feel authentic to your grief
- Protecting your emotional energy like the precious resource it is
Gentle Remembrance Rituals
Honour your loved one without forcing painful traditions:
- Light a candle in their memory
- Share stories in safe, supportive spaces
- Create a memory book or small altar
Physical and Emotional Self-Care
Grief lives in the body. Trying softer means:
- Prioritizing rest over productivity
- Moving your body gently and compassionately
- Eating foods that comfort you
- Allowing for emotional waves without resistance
The Profound Strength in Softness
Trying softer is an act of courage. It challenges the narrative that grief is something to overcome quickly or quietly. Instead, it recognizes grief as a testament to love—complex, non-linear, and deeply personal.
Your worth is not measured by how well you "handle" the holidays. It's measured by your capacity for self-compassion, by your willingness to be gentle with yourself in the most difficult moments.
It's Time to Focus on You
This holiday season, give yourself the ultimate gift: permission to grieve softly. To heal imperfectly. To love yourself through the pain. And to know you are worthy of gentleness.
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