We've all heard it before: "You need to find closure." Well-meaning friends and family often offer these words, hoping they'll help us move forward after loss. But in my years as a grief counsellor, I've come to understand that there is no such thing as closure – and that's okay.
Think about it. How do you close the chapter on someone who was woven into the very fabric of your life? Someone who shaped your morning routines, shared your biggest moments, or whose laugh you can still hear perfectly in your mind? The truth is, you don't. And you shouldn't have to.
What we call "closure" is really society's way of trying to tidy up grief, to put it in a box with a neat little bow. But grief isn't neat. It doesn't follow a timeline, and it certainly doesn't have an endpoint. Instead of closure, what we're really seeking is a way to carry our loss with grace – to take steps forward while honouring our ongoing connection to the person we've lost.
Some days, grief might feel like you’re suffocating. Other days, it might be a gentle reminder, like catching a whiff of your mom's perfume in a crowded store, or hearing your partner's favorite song on the radio. These moments aren't failures of closure – they're natural reminders of the love that continues.
Instead of pushing for closure, I encourage my clients to think about integration. How can we integrate our loss into our life story? How can we learn to hold both joy and sadness, both memory and presence? It's about building a new relationship with our loss, one that acknowledges both the pain and the profound impact our loved ones continue to have on our lives.
“I’ve decided to live my life more adventurously. That’s how they lived and when I do something new, I feel like they’re with me”
This doesn't mean you'll always feel the raw, searing pain of early grief. The intensity usually softens over time. But rather than "moving on" or "finding closure," you're moving forward with your loss, allowing it to transform as you transform, carrying it with you in ways that feel authentic and meaningful.
So the next time someone suggests you need to find closure, remember this: it's okay to keep your heart open. It's okay to miss them years later. It's okay to laugh at their jokes, to talk about them, to keep their memory alive in whatever way feels right to you. That's not a failure to move forward – it's a testament to the depth of human connection and the enduring nature of love.
Your grief journey is uniquely yours. There's no roadmap, no timeline, and no final destination called "closure." And that's not just okay – it's human.
Comentarios